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I really miss living in L.A. We had a press release come in last week about a company moving its headquarters from Westwood to Century City. Insignificant news, really. But after reading that, I couldn’t help but get a rush of nostalgia (happens to me a lot). I lived and breathed Westwood for so long, and even worked for a few months in Century.

I was telling Jaymie a few weeks ago that even though I’m employed full-time and finally out of school, I don’t feel like an adult; I don’t feel independent; There’s this certain unquantifiable feeling I know but currently lack — and it has nothing to do with age or maturity. Even when I worked non-paying ‘jobs’ like my position at DB, I would come home with a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, even though I was still a student. I know it’s a vague notion I’m getting at, but bear with me. It’s as if my day is a long draw of breath, and getting home at night is that sigh of relief. It’s the rush of endorphins you get after a nice workout. It’s feeling like you can give yourself a pat on the back for doing something worthwhile, even if takes you all day and leaves you little free time.

I don’t know if I should attribute that elusive sense of satisfaction to the type of work that I was doing in those various positions. Probably not, considering that even though journalism and writing crap content I couldn’t care less about are pretty disparate pursuits, in both cases I felt pretty satisfied once all was said and done. Though I can say without pause that my feelings during the actual respective work differed quite drastically.

I came to the conclusion that my environment had something, maybe everything, to do with it, whether it was living on my own (not forgetting my roommates of course), or just being in the city. Strange proposition perhaps, for someone who isn’t the most social or extroverted person in the world. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting more options at your disposal. People, restaurants, entertainment… they’re all closer to home, more concentrated, more plentiful. Even if it is Los Angeles sprawl. But I don’t think this is it either.

I was driving home one night last week down Western before I began this entry and a thought hit me. I feel as if part of what motivates my desire to be in the city is want of a sense of importance. There is a strangely lethargic atmosphere that goes along with going about your business in the suburbs, even if it is a major one like El Segundo (I still love you for employing me, twice) or the South Bay as a whole. How different would I feel if instead of driving down Western, I were on a train back home after a long day’s work in NYC? This little thought experiment was what made me realize that what I want is feeling like I’m part of something more significant. Some might have a contention with this statement over what significance comprises, but few can deny that there’s a certain appeal to being part of a community that has a great deal of impact on worldly affairs, whether it be political, economic, or cultural.

Perhaps the description applies more to NY than it does to LA. Or it definitely does. Either way, it’s bad. Jk. Either way, I’d like to be in a place where more is happening. Even if I stupidly don’t take advantage of it.

And it looks like a write up on LA would be the natural follow up to this… Excuse the horrible entry. I’ve been having a lot of trouble expressing myself lately.

In sum, I guess what makes this feeling so troubling is the knowledge that if I didn’t have school in my plans for the future, this would really be it: My career, my life, everything. It’s a bit disturbing to think that upon finishing school I’m feeling like more of a lost kid than I did as a student… and that if this were really it, all I would have to look forward to every day is this sense of lacking and stagnation.

I need to stop reading elitist trash spewing forth from law school forums. It’s really making me question the investment of going to law school to make anything less than six digits. Why does tuition have to be so exorbitant? Nay, why can’t I just erase all my F’s?

I’m really behind on work and I realized that it’s mainly because after scrutinizing an entire section layout several times and fixing headlines, I’m really not in the mood to read anything except for the aforementioned mind-excrement.

Coming up, I’m going to reflect on how I feel about L.A. and provide an appraisal of my future in it - detailing my love-hate relationship with the city and the increasingly derelict nature of our state. The coming decades will be sad times for all. Except for the filthy rich. Especially the filthy rich and old. Also, is Seattle in the cards for me? What if the big one up north comes while I’m there? While my family’s there? So much uncertainty. As you can tell, thoughts not immediately relevant are tormenting me when Wittgenstein’s Investigations should be fulfilling that task instead.

until my fate is revealed to me. You like how I followed AP style with the ellipsis? Yeah, you know you do. Honestly though, how long does it take to run a sheet of paper through a scanner? Sorry LSAC gods, don’t punish me for saying that.

I want to re-emphasize how sad it is that people rarely update anymore - and it’s not because people have any less time. It seems to me that the intellectual atmosphere, the creative drive, the motivation have all just died down in recent years, at least in the realm of writing. When we look at the larger picture, blogging has taken off and reached a new plateau, coining new terms like the ‘blogosphere.’ But apart from these more high-profile blogs and other frankly commercially produced web publications, personal blogging has hit an all-time low. Among friends I liken these past four years to a bludgeon, maybe a cricket bat, that has beat us down to a bloody allegorical pulp. I know I felt that way for the longest time. That’s why I believe it’s time for a renaissance. Come on guys! Masturbate fives minutes less, eat a little bit quicker, refrain from refreshing those Facebook pages, and don’t read Wittgenstein that third time because you still don’t get it. Write! - The mind needs to be exercised too.

Life would be so chill right now if I didn’t have to work.

I also really miss when people would update all the time and there would actually be a point to refreshing people’s journals. Now all that keeps me semi-entertained are idiotic posts on lj communities. I think I’ll start cross-posting to naturalexponent, but just as a link so that people will actually click to this page. Yay or nay?

Sometimes I lose sight of my passions, and this is when I’m happy that I have a blog. Here I am, slacking at work, reading through my old posts, some of them written with such conviction and intensity.

When I made the choice to go to law school, I wanted to go into one of two fields: environmental law or public service criminal law, i.e. prosecution or public defense. These are two very low-paying fields, but I don’t think I’d be happier anywhere else. (Tangent: If nothing else, I would’ve liked to have high grades to even get into a lower-ranked school as long as I got a scholarship, so I could take one of these public service jobs without debt). As I read over my apologetic rants on anthropogenic climate change, I gain back some perspective - if I can do that for anyone who happens upon this site, then my insignifcant mark on the internet is good for something other than my purgative ambitions. Tied down by work and classes this entire summer, I easily forgot the things I was ardent about. I’ve pissed away the diminutive free time I did have, excusing my ill-advised actions by telling myself I deserved the r&r. It’s time for a major change. I now have to put my ambitions and aspirations into overdrive, and make that final sprint to make something of my passions; I need to stop postponing my life the way I’m procrastinating with my philosophy paper at the moment.

With this reinvigorated perspective, the time has come for me to embrace diligence and enterprise. Finally.

A deep sense of regret always floods my mind after I drink - especially when I told myself I wouldn’t until after I was done with the LSAT. I probably sound like an alcoholic now, but I assure you that’s not the case. I don’t drink often, but when I do, it’s crazy. As I made a passing reference to in my last post, I literally just down drink after drink to the point where other people would be vomiting their intestines out. This is not a good thing.

In any case, there has to be a physical consequence and I’m thoroughly convinced that I’ve picked up some major cognitive deficits over the years. (I always have trouble speaking in the days following). In short I’ve probably jeopardized a few points of my LSAT score - little details matter on those questions, and so does each point. I mean, even someone with a high GPA needs a high test score to get admitted. I’ve seriously been at the point where even getting a 180 wouldn’t guarantee me admission into any school, but I haven’t been trying as hard as I should to make that score. I lose.

And in closing, to end on a note that doesn’t make me look like a depressing alcoholic, someone start a workout regimen with me. This includes cardio, weights, just overall conditioning and some (read: a lot of) tennis.

Ignorance can be forgiven, for lacking knowledge is not a crime. Stupidity, on the other hand, carries the connotation it does for a reason. Stupid people have all the information in front of them and choose not to believe it or understand it. Today’s “celebrity” Yahoo! answers question is a depressing look at the widespread stupidity of people across the United States.

Nancy Pelosi asked what kind of legislation should be passed to help fight global warming. Anyone and everyone who responded with a constructive comment on reducing carbon emission and fighting urban sprawl was given overwhelmingly negative ratings, effectively hiding their answer from being shown to the public. The only answers given positive ratings are ones in which people respond with a personal agenda, saying something to the effect of, “I don’t want to change my over-consuming lifestyle and conveniently enough, I don’t believe in global warming.”

I mean first off, they are attacking people who are trying to create positive change, and instead are encouraging “answers” of the above nature, with people complaining about higher taxes and not wanting to subscribe to “fake science.” I guess they don’t realize that the idea of anthropogenic global warming is supported by a vast majority of the scientific community. Ironically enough, through their STUPIDITY, they’re rejecting the real data and believing what the oil companies want them to believe. Sure, keep consuming oil, there’s plenty of it. And all the while we’ll keep taking your money.

There are even international comments from people in countries like Korea and Germany who have already learned to live without massive amounts of waste like the U.S. does. Instead of heeding their advice, people have resorted to giving these answers extremely low ratings and angrily posting that other countries want the U.S. to adhere to the kyoto protocol and environmental standards because they’re jealous of American prosperity and want Americans to have a low standard of living like everyone else.

This is just another revealing look at people who believe they know everything there is to know about public policy and logic but fail to understand the premises upon which they’re arguing. No, you don’t know about the truth behind climate science because you’ve probably never studied it. Just because your party tells you so does’t mean it’s right. Well, maybe it’s right, but it’s not correct Even if anthropogenic global warming does somehow turn out not to be true, this doesn’t mean we should continue consuming fossil fuels at such an alarming pace. But I’m sure these same idiots will argue that peak oil is a myth - oh wait, even Bush and Cheney admit this! Maybe the stupid hordes will believe this one after all.

I’m aware that Bruin Republicans showed a propaganda film… I mean documentary “debunking” the “myth” of global warming. One of the points made in the film is that carbon dioxide doesn’t cause warming temperatures, but that it works the other way around, with rising temperatures increasing the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Sure. Why not. Except for the fact that carbon dioxide levels rise the most in the winter when trees die and release their carbon. Nevermind that.

I do understand that people will respond in unreasonable ways when a persona with a political leaning asks a question. To respond favorably would seem like agreement. I don’t understand why science has to be politicized. I realize that science affects policy. But when it’s this big a problem, we should be able to put those differences aside. If you told the masses nowadays that we need to enact clean air policies because people are dying of lung cancer, then it wouldn’t be a controversy. Of COURSE we should act to prevent this from happening. Although I’m sure that 30-40 years ago people might have refused because of potential taxes and fines on pollution and more stringent specifications for auto production. The same is happening now with the climate change issue. How will we look upon this 100 years from now when millions in Bangladesh are dead or displaced because of rising sea levels? When New York City floods regularly? When large portions of Florida are underwater?

To make it easy for those who don’t agree with scientific opinion, even if this warming is due to natural circumstances, isn’t it our responsibility not to amplify its effects by adding more CO2 to the atmosphere? If you believe that CO2 does not raise temperatures, then you go ahead and live on a planet without an atmosphere and get back to me on that.

It’s not enough to show people the evidence. They have to want to believe the truth.

There are few things more annoying than someone breathing loudly in class. Personally, I breathe through my mouth in deference to others when I have this issue. Don’t people realize that whistling through the nose is not something to be proud of? This means you got some crusty ass shit stuck up there. There’s no need to show it off.

Yahoo!’s seasonal banner modifications blow Google’s out of the water. I’m a Yahoo! faithful, though I do give Google huge props for a better e-mail and video service, ha! Still, as far as Earth Day goes, I appreciate that people come out and make an effort to raise awareness about environmental issues. But it bothers me to no end that some people act like they’re so holy for making a single effort one day out of the year. I also don’t like it when advertisers pretend like they’re the saviors of the world by “making an effort to go green.” I admit I’m not perfect when it comes to being environmentally conscious. Regardless, I do try. I never throw my plastic bottles into the trash, I recycle everything I can, I don’t have a car (and when I do, will get one that gives me good mileage rather than a good image), and my vegetarianism is primarily for environmental reasons.

None of us is perfect. But we shouldn’t limit our environmental consciousness to one day or one week out of the year. Every little bit counts. Every little bit makes a difference. As much I dislike some of these commercials, one I saw today had such a simple but poignant message: This is the only planet we’ll ever have.

So let’s take care of it.

I spent all of last weekend distressed, worried that I would have to report to jury duty starting Monday. So one can imagine my relief when I called in Sunday night and found out I wouldn’t be needed. This victory was short-lived, though, as the end of the message dictated that I call again Monday night after 5 p.m. Of course, given my luck, it turns out I had to report on Tuesday morning by 7:45.

I went to sleep having set my alarm to 6:00 since the courthouse is all the way downtown. Somehow I didn’t hear my alarm and ended up waking at 8:00. Big problem, right? I threw on whatever clothes were available, ran out the door and raced as fast as I could to the courthouse, fearing that they would send out a bench warrant for my arrest. It didn’t help that the parking lot was nearly 5 blocks from where I needed to report. I spent another 15 minutes in the security check line and discovered there was a staircase up to the 5th floor only after I waited for an elevator for 10 minutes. The jury assembly room was full and it looked like everyone was receiving some sort of orientation. Handing in my summons with a little bit of shame for being so late, no one rebuked or reprimanded me. Whew. I thought I was in the clear. Maybe I would get to go home without being called. But no. 20 minutes into the wait, they had already called two panels of 35 potential jurors. Soon after, I heard my name in the third panel.

Needless to say it wasn’t my first time in a courtroom, but there is something that seemed so surprisingly sacrosanct about it. As I walked into the room, I felt some instinctive need to genuflect as I filed in with of the prospective jurors into the audience benches. A true calling, perhaps? It felt like the church of justice or something corny like that. Despite my deep sense of deference, I sincerely hoped I wouldn’t get called, mostly because I could potentially miss an entire week of class - something that had screwed me up in the past.

I did get called, of course. As far as they were concerned, I was the anonymous juror number 16. We were “let off the hook” early that day, but I would’ve preferred staying the whole day, because if there any chance of my being excused, at least I wouldn’t have to report again, meaning no 1 hour drive, no missing class, no having to wake up ridiculously early. So I reported again the next day, except we were delayed over half an hour because of some stupid girl from UCLA who decided she would take some extra time with her makeup I suppose. All other boring details aside, the attorneys began to use their peremptory challenges, thanking and excusing their least-preferred jurors (the ones presumably least helpful to their side of the case). I’m not sure how many challenges each lawyer gets, but there is in fact a preset amount, and as they kept excusing more and more people, I was afraid I would be stuck there for the remainder of the week. Again I was surprised. The prosecutor excused me, and while I felt a sense of relief for not having to be there any longer, I was also a bit disappointed. Secretly I was excited to take part of this legal process, and my self-conscious mind wondered why he didn’t want me there. Hah.

In any case, I ran out of there, drove as quickly as I could back home. But guess what? I missed the rest of my classes this past week with the exception of two discussions, which were useless because I didn’t know what was going on anyway.

Ah, civic duty.