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Given my history of taking on increasingly difficult work and longer hours with inversely proportional pay, eventually entering the legal field — I hope I can — won’t be any aberration from this trend, and I’ll most likely be well-equipped to handle the challenges, whether it’s billing a bajillion hours or making an obscenely low and unlivable wage as an ADA. Irrelevant, premature you say? As unreasonable as it is, your choice of school really impacts — I mean this in both ways — the path your career will take. And you thought settling for a subpar undergraduate institution was bad. So why even consider putting myself through the suffering?

1. I’m a prestige whore and I have to make unnecessarily excessive compensatory restitutions for the fact that I’ve attended a public university that is neither Cal nor UVA. Ironically, I’ll most likely end up at a school outside of the traditionally reputable bastions of legal education.
2. I’ve actually been inside a courtroom several times and the trial process is engrossing and powerful.
3. I feel the more literate (read: transactional) portions of the profession play to my strengths. Who would take the dubious obligation of attempting to glean meaning from and make sense out of a vapid, rambling mass of text in a poorly ventilated hotbox of body odor half the days of the week? Me, baby, me.

In more positive news, I was again complimented on my unusually light eyes, their being mistaken for color contacts. Even I’m baffled by this phenomenon, as neither of my parents possesses this trait. I was also asked twice in one day whether I am in fact fully Asian. I’m not sure if the latter falls under the heading of positive, but it’s surely intriguing and not too distantly removed from the comments regarding my pupils irises. My bad.

I admit I have a piss-poor record of keeping to my writing promises, i.e. not putting up racquet or beer reviews, but I hope to redress this shortcoming in the imminent future and actually write a coherent bit about Los Angeles as I have committed myself to doing a few entries past.

And with that, g’day my friends. Or at least all four of you who read this. This is my quality entry for the week, so I hope you read it or else I’ll be heartbroken. I’d love to bring you more cynicism and ideally some funnies, but Wittgenstein beckons.

I got a 172 on my latest diagnostic test! FUUUUUUUDGE. AHHHHH I’m so hyper right now…. PLEASE LET ME GET THIS SCORE ON THE REAL THING…

I was devastated when I didn’t get into CAMS. I remember receiving my letter in the mail later than everyone else. There was a letter code on the envelope that corresponded to admissions decisions and I knew even before I opened it that I had been rejected. I even cried.

Rewind to a few months before when I showed up to the Cal State Dominguez Hills campus dressed in a snappy suit, ready for the interview that would make or break me. At that point I was pretty convinced that I wanted to be a lawyer, specifically one who specialized in environmental law. I don’t think the people at CAMS took too well to my life goals. I guess they were only looking for people who wanted to be scientists and engineers.

I don’t blame them. I then unenthusiastically went to my interview at Bishop, knowing that my performance didn’t matter, as it was widely known to be a formality. And surprise, it turns out that I scored in the 99th percentile on my admissions test and got into all the honors classes. Cool. Maybe I would be happy here? I later switched to wanting to be a doctor, something that might’ve garnered me an acceptance letter to CAMS had I possessed it a few years prior. And I carried this through to my first year of college - until I realized that I had never been all that great at math or science. So much for being Asian, right? Science had always been one of my favorite subjects. But I wasn’t particularly good at it. I only got a 2 on AP physics, while I got a 5 on AP language. Naturally, it made me wonder whether I had wasted my opportunities.

Now I’ve come full circle - having a goal similar to the one I held when I first nervously approached that heartbreaking interview.

Apart from a few obvious, major, academic regrets, I don’t have any qualms about the route that I ended up taking. Bishop is where I grew, it’s where I formed a big chunk of my identity, it’s where I met my love, and it’s where my allegiances will lie, always.

I wonder if I’ll feel the same way about UCLA four years from now. As the setting for the most turbulent period of my life, it’s impossible to divorce my experience from this school. I love it and I hate it, but its mark will remain with me, whether for better or for worse. I wonder if I could’ve reached this same point in my development through a more streamlined process - taking philosophy from the start, carrying my career goals through until now without the medical detour. Probably not. Which is why I’m not hitting myself on the head too hard.

The real world lies ahead, dire and despondent in its overcast splendor (am I just talking about Seattle now? maybe, if not for the direness and despondency), but paradoxically full of optimism for us silly humans. C’est la vie.

Sometimes I lose sight of my passions, and this is when I’m happy that I have a blog. Here I am, slacking at work, reading through my old posts, some of them written with such conviction and intensity.

When I made the choice to go to law school, I wanted to go into one of two fields: environmental law or public service criminal law, i.e. prosecution or public defense. These are two very low-paying fields, but I don’t think I’d be happier anywhere else. (Tangent: If nothing else, I would’ve liked to have high grades to even get into a lower-ranked school as long as I got a scholarship, so I could take one of these public service jobs without debt). As I read over my apologetic rants on anthropogenic climate change, I gain back some perspective - if I can do that for anyone who happens upon this site, then my insignifcant mark on the internet is good for something other than my purgative ambitions. Tied down by work and classes this entire summer, I easily forgot the things I was ardent about. I’ve pissed away the diminutive free time I did have, excusing my ill-advised actions by telling myself I deserved the r&r. It’s time for a major change. I now have to put my ambitions and aspirations into overdrive, and make that final sprint to make something of my passions; I need to stop postponing my life the way I’m procrastinating with my philosophy paper at the moment.

With this reinvigorated perspective, the time has come for me to embrace diligence and enterprise. Finally.

A deep sense of regret always floods my mind after I drink - especially when I told myself I wouldn’t until after I was done with the LSAT. I probably sound like an alcoholic now, but I assure you that’s not the case. I don’t drink often, but when I do, it’s crazy. As I made a passing reference to in my last post, I literally just down drink after drink to the point where other people would be vomiting their intestines out. This is not a good thing.

In any case, there has to be a physical consequence and I’m thoroughly convinced that I’ve picked up some major cognitive deficits over the years. (I always have trouble speaking in the days following). In short I’ve probably jeopardized a few points of my LSAT score - little details matter on those questions, and so does each point. I mean, even someone with a high GPA needs a high test score to get admitted. I’ve seriously been at the point where even getting a 180 wouldn’t guarantee me admission into any school, but I haven’t been trying as hard as I should to make that score. I lose.

And in closing, to end on a note that doesn’t make me look like a depressing alcoholic, someone start a workout regimen with me. This includes cardio, weights, just overall conditioning and some (read: a lot of) tennis.

i wanted to break down and cry because of everything happening around me.

that’s what you get though when you take four classes, progress from an intern to a staffer to a deputy, interview for jobs, maintain a loving relationship, and worry about your family all at once while taking finals and thinking about an impending graduation ceremony that’s largely meaningless because you won’t be done for another two terms. the consequence sucks, but i don’t regret doing any of the above.

fuck you life. i won’t fold, just as i’m rebuilding my life and getting everything back in order…

i need some food and some sleep.

This is amazing. I’m having so much fun writing my philosophy paper. I’ve written two (seemingly) solid pages within an hour and I’ve titled it “The Unconscious Patient: Parallel to the Ground but not to Dworkin’s Analogies of Distributive Consent.” To accomodate a blind grading process, the professor requires that we put a “peculiar word” of our choice at the top of every page and also on the title page which will be detached, and the word that always comes to mind when I think of my favorite words is acerbity. I don’t want to use this though, because I don’t want it to seem like I’m bitter toward Dworkin, since I’m not.

If you think of one that’s not pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

or

floccinaucinihilipilifcation, let me know.

Bleh, my journal uses justified alignment. What is this, a newspaper column?

I’d like to begin recording random philosophical musings that I may hope to exploit for future academic purposes - a short future sure, since I hope to graduate within this year. Given this, I urge anyone to proffer any significant constructive feedback containing your opinions. I don’t make any promises, mainly because my interest in my blog comes in waves or phases which my post frequency undoubtedly reflects. And then there’s the simple possibility that I may lack anything of intellectual gravity to publish here.

What’s been on my mind since yesterday though and I am seriously considering expounding into a paper topic is the plausibility of ecumenical reconciliation between religious beliefs. It hardly needs to be said that I’m not the first person to have thought about this issue, but I’d like to believe I can formulate a good argument for it. Sadly I don’t have time to read any sources let alone analyze them in depth, with my four courses and three shifts a week. Still, I’d like opinions and even suggestions for reading material. Mainly though, this is a way for me to get my thoughts down and have a point of a reference.

Wee.

I can just sense my professor’s frustration right now as students keep contesting the idea that numbers are independent of human thought. What’s so hard to understand about the idea that a 10,000 square mile surface area body of water will always be 10,000 square miles, regardless of what we call it? Even if we convert the number to kilometers, the area it covers is still the same. The language and scale we use is arbitrary, but (to quote Rob Dyrdek) IT IS WHAT IT IS.

That’s my rant for today. I’m so sleepy right now. Stupid work.

Oh yeah, I also hate this stupid sycophantic reward system bullshit that defines the public university experience. If you ask a stupid question that’s barely relevant to week 2 at this point in the quarter, you’re a good student because you’re involved. If you clamor after the professor’s butthole to kiss ass in office hours, you get all the good recommendations. What happened to just doing well and showing your abilities? I know it’s an inevitable consequence of having so many students in a class, but it still sucks. I guess I’m still just pissed about these idiots asking the same questions over and over again to get “noticed” when really they just look stupid.

In contrast to the quasi-negativity of the previous post, I would just like to say that after slacking off seriously for the first 5 weeks of this quarter, I am finally enjoying philosophy in full force once again. Frege always brings the fun it seems.

Intra-contrast! This part is a bit more reflective. Should I even bother with law school? If I follow my ideals, I’ll be in a job making 30 grand a year at most, stuck in debt forever. I could be making that at a job that doesn’t require a grad degree. I really want to do it, I just don’t know if I can handle it financially… Otherwise, I’d do editing, but the job market is so intensely competitive and I don’t feel like going to journalism school. In general, I don’t think I’m aggressive enough to be in media. I’m not the cutthroat kind. I don’t want to be seem like I’m so damn capricious, because I’m really not — I just have a lot of realistic concerns in addition to the ideal of following what I’m passionate about.

I wrote this yesterday in class, and now I’m pretty sure of my path after realizing I’d be limiting my potential if I didn’t go ahead with my ideals.

Something I left out of my wishlist: Although I still wouldn’t mind a Seagull S6 Slim (though I think my newly purchased Taylor Big Baby should do the job), I also really want a Hello Kitty Squier Strat. The pink one. Yes.